The Switch Fic
by Dragon of Venus
Summary: The gang gets a call from Rukia in Soul Society, only to find that everything is totally different! Well, okay, not everything. It's just that all the captains and lieutenants are mysteriously acting like each other, but nothing else, really. r&r please!
1. Creepy

(July 28, 10:23 pm)

Well, tonight's Saturday, anime night, and me and my sister's 3rd Annual Summer All-Nighter! Which works out well, seeing as the new episode of Bleach tonight is mainly about Kurotsuchi, and I probably won't be sleeping after that anyways. Okay, back on topic.

Yeah, I couldn't think of a title, so "The Switch Fic" will have to do for now. DISCLAIMER: Don't own Bleach. So there. Nyehh. XP

The Switch Fic

chapter 1

It was a beautiful... no, wait, uhh...

It was a relaxing...

It was a...

Ah, forget it!

It was undoubtedly the most boring day in Karakura Town either Ichigo or any of his friends could remember, and that was all there freakin' was to it.

Ichigo lay in the grass and stared up at the sky blankly. "What do you wanna do, Uryu?"

"I dunno," replied the Quincy. "What do you wanna do, Orihime?"

"I dunno. What do you wanna do, Chad?"

"Hm," Chad shrugged.

A breeze quietly blew through the grass.

"...No, you're supposed to say, 'I dunno. What do you wanna do, Ichigo?'" Orihime answered for him, mimicking his voice.

Chad just shrugged again.

And another minute passed by in silence.

Hey, I warned you. They were bored as heck. Whaddya want ME to do about it?... Oh, wait. I'm the author. I _can_ do something about it! Okay, so then...

Ichigo's phone rang.

"I got it!" the other three shouted. Yeah. Even Chad. He was so bored, I don't think he even knew who he was anymore. Anyway, back on topic.

Ichigo sat up and gave them a look as he took out his phone. "Man, you guys are desperate for something to happen, aren't you?" They nodded. Ichigo sighed, then answered his cell phone. "Yeah?... What? Where are you?... Whaddya mean?... Well no, but-- I mean-- no, I-- Fine! I'll be there as soon as I can! And I'm bringin' the guys with me!" With that, he flipped his phone shut and looked at the others. "That was Rukia. She's in Soul Society and she says something's wrong."

Orihime gasped. "What is it?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't say. But I told her I'd be there and that you guys were all coming. So are you up for it?"

"Ichigo!" Orihime went on, sounding offended. "I can't believe you would say that without even asking us first! That's so rude of you!"

"...So are you up for it?" Ichigo repeated.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say that." She blushed sheepishly and scratched the back of her head.

He sweatdropped, then turned to Chad and Uryu. "What about you guys? You comin'?"

"Sure," replied Uryu. "Anything to keep me from dying of boredom."

"I'm in," added Chad.

Orihime stood up triumphantly. "Alright! Then it's settled!"

"Off to Soul Society!" Ichigo copied her current attitude, causing everyone else to give him a look. After a moment, he realized what had just happened and his eyes widened. "Wow, I _am_ bored."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the gang arrived at their destination, and it also didn't take that long for them to find Rukia. Apparently it was a slow day in both worlds. Go figure.

"What took you so long?" Rukia complained when they met up with her.

Ichigo was shocked. "What are you talking about?! We got here as fast as we could!"

"Well not fast enough! This is getting even creepier than it was when I called!"

Uryu stared strangely. "Creepy?" he asked.

"Creepi_er_?" said Chad.

"So what's going on, Rukia?" Orihime inquired. "Oh, no, wait, I know, lemme guess! Everyone's been abducted by aliens! Big ones! That look like... like... artichokes! And if they don't turn Soul Society over to the Artichoke Aliens, they'll turn everyone into potato chips! Am I right? Huh? Huh?"

If you listened _reeeeeeeally_ closely just now, you could hear the wind blow straight through Orihime's head.

". . . . . Not even close," Rukia finally answered. She turned and saw two figures coming up behind them.

"Well then what is it?" Ichigo asked imaptiently.

"This." Rukia turned to face the person walking by. "Hello, Lieutenant Kurotsuchi."

"Beat it!" Nemu shouted. Everyone jumped back a little from the shock. Then Nemu turned around and yelled to the person walking slowly behind her. "Kurotsuchi! Move it, you piece of crap!"

"Yes, Lieutenant," said an unusually quiet voice. As the figure came into view, everyone was somewhere between amazed and horrified to see the freak-faced captain of Squad 12 himself. Kurotsuchi then stopped and greeted Rukia before continuing on his way.

The area fell silent after they left. ..Was that a tumbleweed that just blew by?...

Ichigo rose an eyebrow. "...That was..."

"Creepy?" Rukia finished.

"...Pretty much."

-------------------

Short. Yeah.

Did you know Johnny Yong Bosch was just on Bobobo? Yeah, he was that Bo-Jiggler guy. Man, my sis and I got such a kick out of that. Oh, and Kurotsuchi's voice actor is the same guy that plays Yoruichi in cat form. But anyway... I'm not really sure what to make of this fic. The idea just sort of popped up and I wanted to do something with it. If all goes well, I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this one!

Reviews appreciated! (hint hint) ;)


	2. Karma

(September 11, 4:50 pm)

Okay, so that wasn't the All-Nighter. It did happen, though, if you're the least bit interested. (sigh) Back in school. Crud. But at least I get to see my friends again. :) Well, enough of my blabbing, time for what you came for! Chapter 2 of... The Switch Fic!!... In a sec.

Disclaimer:

Computer: way too much for me to count

Bleach: NOT MINE

Writing a fic that's loved by many: Priceless

chapter 2

"What the hell just happened??" Ichigo asked.

"If you ask me," Uryu answered, "she's just fed up with him. I would be." He silently growled, remembering his first encounter with the two.

"Probably just a girl thing," Orihime shrugged. Everyone stared at her. "...What? I can't say something that makes sense once in a while?"

Rukia shook her head, disagreeing with the theories. "It's not just those two. This is happening all over Soul Society."

Orihime cocked her head to the side, giving Rukia a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"C'mon, I'll show you." Rukia started to walk away, and the team followed her until they saw the second-in-command of Squad 6 standing nearby.

"Hey, there's Renji," Orihime pointed out.

"Yeah," Rukia said, an uncomfortable look on her face, "his case is probably the worst."

Then a lightbulb went off, and everyone stared at Ichigo.

". . . What??"

"Go talk to him!" demanded Rukia, as if it were obvious.

"Are you crazy?! You just said he had it the worst out of everyone!"

"Will you relax? Just say hi to him, I'm sure he's not contagious or anything!"

Ichigo was momentarily silent, then he rolled his eyes and huffed, "Fine." And he walked toward Renji muttering, "Not contagious... Yeah, now watch, I'll come back with clown hair and my eyebrows'll be all over my body." A second later, however, he perked up, seeing as he was now standing right next to Renji. "Renji, hey!" he smiled as discretely-fake as possible. "What's up? How ya feelin'?" He then realized what he said and tried to cover it up. "...I mean, uh... Nice weather..."

Rukia, Chad, Orihime, and Uryu could see a huge sweatdrop on the back of Ichigo's head.

Renji remained silent, staring off at nothing. Ichigo stared at him and continued to try and get his attention. "Uh, Renji? Hellooooo?" He waved a hand in front of the lieutenant's face, and went ignored still. By now, Ichigo was starting to get annoyed. "Hey! You're bein' really obnoxious, you idiot! Say something!"

After a moment, Renji finally said something. But despite Rukia's warning, no one quite expected it.

"You're not worth my time, ryoka. Do me a favor and leave."

Ichigo's mouth crashed to the ground.

Rukia dashed over and grabbed Ichigo's arm. "Uh, nice seeing you, Renji," she smiled nervously. Renji glared at her, and she left, Ichigo still attached.

She shook her head when they reached the others again. "I warned you."

Ichigo stuttered before spitting out, "What the heck was that?! It was like that wasn't even Renji, he was acting just like... like..."

"Byakuya?" Rukia finished.

". . . Yeah, sounds about right," Ichigo replied, wide-eyed.

Orihime was suddenly confused. I know, not saying much, but go with it. "Rukia, what's going on around here?" she asked.

"The way I see it," Rukia went on, "all the captains and lieutenants in Soul Society have somehow switched personalities with each other."

"How could that have happened?" asked Uryu.

"I don't really know."

"Well, look on the bright side," Ichigo commented.

Rukia looked at him. "And what would that be?"

He fell silent. "...Nah I got nothin'."

The others stared at him.

". . . Why do you always look at me like that?"

"'Cause you always ask for it!" replied Rukia.

Before Ichigo could reply, he was interrupted by something rather scary. Something so horribly, terrifyingly shocking, it would haunt him for the rest of his days.

"ICHIIII!"

He looked up to where he had heard the voice, and screamed. About two seconds and a loud **CRASH **later, Ichigo's face was buried in the ground, and he lay crushed underneath the captain of Squad 11.

"Fwhada you wan, Zahakeh?" he groaned, his voice muffled. (translation: _What do you want, Zaraki?_)

Kenpachi looked down and his eyes widened. He then stood up and pulled Ichigo to his feet. "Sorry about that," he laughed.

Ichigo was confused for a moment. Then his eyes widened. "Aw man, not you, too!" he groaned. "I can't believe it got to you of all people!"

"Whaddya talkin' about? I feel fine." Then as Kenpachi turned around, who should he spot walking by but a glowing head of baldness. He smiled and ran over. "Hey, Baldy, where ya been?" he asked, patting the head.

Ikkaku glared at him and swatted his hand away. "Get your hands off my beautiful head, man!" he demanded.

Kenpachi snickered. "Sorry, Q-Ball, thought you could take a joke."

"Not from one as appalling as you about a head as lovely as mine! I am extremely lucky to have such a glorious head!"

As the two continued their rant, Ichigo leaned toward Uryu and whispered, "Y'know what's scary about this?"

"What?" asked Uryu.

Ichigo went on, "I can't tell if Ikkaku's acting like himself or Yumichika."

"Hm... Know what's even scarier?"

"What?"

"Neither can I."

After a short silence, the two shuddered in unison.

"I almost forgot something!" said a sudden voice.

Everyone turned to see Nemu and Mayuri returning.

"Quincy," Nemu began, walking up to Uryu, "I never did thank you for helping me and sparing my captain, did I?" She gazed at him and rested her hands and chin on his shoulder.

Uryu's glasses fogged slightly. "Um... yes, you did," he answered.

Nemu giggled. "I would remember an event like that, and I'm almost certain that I never returned the favor you did me."

Now barely able to see, Uryu stepped back, causing Nemu to lose her balance, and Uryu to catch her. She looked up at him and smiled. "Well now I owe you something."

"Uh..." the Quincy stuttered, "You-y-you really don't have to do that."

"Yes I do. Trust me."

At this point, Mayuri felt it necessary to speak up. "Uh, Lieutenant, perhaps we should come back at a later time."

Nemu sharply turned her head and glared at him. "Excuse me?" He gulped as she walked up to him ominously. "Care to say that again, Mayuri?" she asked, as if threatening his very life.

"W-well, it's just that... I think the Quincy is content with the thanks you've given him already--"

"I don't recall anyone asking you. One more word, you freakshow, and you don't even want to know what I'll do to you."

"Yeah, you tell him!" Ichigo cheered.

Everyone looked at Ichigo. "You don't want to get involved in this," suggested Mayuri. Then, realizing what he'd done, his eyes widened and he looked back at Nemu, who looked at him evilly.

"And neither do you."

"W-what are you going to--"

Before the captain could finish his sentence, Nemu jumped into the air, threw a kick straight at his stomach, and sent him flying for at least a mile. About three-quarters of the way, he started bouncing rather painfully on the ground as he continued to sail. The others watched in shock, their heads following him as he bounced.

"Look at him go," Rukia gaped.

Orihime's face went pain-stricken. "Is his arm supposed to bend that way?"

"...That looks painful," said Chad.

When Mayuri finally stopped --by that point, he'd smacked his head into a wall-- Ichigo shouted, "Awesome!"

...Which earned him another stare.

"See, there it is again, that's the look!" he cried.

"And once again, you deserve it," replied Rukia.

Nemu huffed. "Stupid little..." Then she turned back to Uryu... or at least, where Uryu had been. "So, where were-- ...Where'd he go?"

Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, and Orihime stared at each other. Then, all simultaneously saying, "That way!," Rukia pointed to her left, Ichigo to his right, Chad behind himself, and Orihime up.

The lieutenant rose an eyebrow, then walked away, muttering, "I don't know why I bother sometimes."

"L-Lieutenant--"

"Fix it yourself, Mayuri!"

"Okay."

... And there goes that tumbleweed again.

"Is she gone?" asked Uryu's voice.

The group looked around in confusion. "Uh, yeah..." said Ichigo.

"Good."

With that, Uryu dropped down from above them and, yet again, landed on Ichigo, crushing him face-down to the ground.

"Whah duthah awaysh appena me?" (translation: _Why does that always happen to me?_)

Uryu looked up and called out, "Thanks again, Lieutenant!"

Everyone (well, except Ichigo) looked in the same direction and saw Yachiru standing on a wall towering above them, scowling with her arms crossed. "Hmph. Don't get used to it, Quincy." That being said, she jumped down and landed next to Kenpachi (Yes, he and Ikkaku were still there). "Let's go, Kenpachi," she said, grabbing his wrist and walking away.

"Aw, c'mon, Yachi!" the captain complained. "Can't we stay a little longer?"

"Another time."

Kenpachi sighed. "Fine." The he turned around and waved to the group. "See ya later, guys!... Hey, Yachi, ya got any candy?"

"No."

"Aw man!"

Ikkaku shrugged and followed after them. "Farewell, uglies!"

After they'd left and Ichigo and Uryu had gotten up, the two looked at each other and nodded.

"Yumichika."

-----------

Please keep in mind that I've mainly been following the dub, so I don't quite know all the characters yet. But will someone let me know if Shuuhei's really as stupid as he seems?? i.e.: "How is Captain Aizen?" uh... DEAD (which I, however, highly --HIGHLY-- doubt)! Anyway... I saw Everlife in concert on Saturday! And they signed my shirt! I feel so cool:) (Everlife, for those who don't know, is one of my sister's and my favorite bands.) Just had to say.

Alright, people, now here's where you come in! r&r! ;)


	3. Of Surveillance and Stooges

(November 14, 7:23 pm)

I know, I promised some IchiRuki-ness, and there is... but not that much. :( but there could be. oh, there could be... later. anyway...

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Unless I were to somehow switch places with Tite Kubo... heh heh...

--------------------

chapter 3

"Lieutenant Ise, would you mind helping me out?"

Nanao leaned back in her chair, looking perfectly relaxed. She sighed. "And what exactly am I supposed to help with, Shunsui?" she asked her captain.

"Well," he responded, "I'm kind of curious as to why everyone's acting so strangely, and--"

"Shunsui, you're not somehow suggesting I _work_, are you?"

". . . Yeah."

Nanao groaned. "C'mon, Shunsui, can't you let me off the hook just this once?"

Shunsui rose an eyebrow. "You're kidding, right?"

"Pleeeeeease?" she pouted.

He stared at her, a silent "no way in Hueco Mundo."

"Fine," Nanao huffed finally. She then proceeded to fall backwards out of her chair, at which Shunsui shook his head hopelessly.

Meanwhile, Uryu sat outside the room, perched on a tree branch, watching the two through a window. "Squad 8, check," he said into a walkie-talkie he received from heck-knows-where.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rangiku sat at a desk in the Squad 10 office, tapping a pen on her cheek, hovering over paperwork.

Yeah. Something was _definitely_ wrong in Soul Society.

She growled as someone behind her hummed loudly on the couch. Moments passed, and she got more and more frustrated. Finally she turned around and shouted, "Captain!"

Toshiro looked up. "What??"

"Please. Stop."

"What am I doin'?"

"You're humming so loud that I can't concentrate!"

The pint-sized captain snickered. "Yeah, 'cause you never had concentration problems before."

Rangiku growled again. After a moment of silence, she huffed and rested her head in her hands. "I'm so frustrated I don't even have a comeback for that!"

"Yeah," sighed Toshiro, "it's all very confusing... Do you want a drink?"

Although her captain couldn't see it at the moment, Rangiku rose an eyebrow. "_No_," she said as if the answer was obvious.

Outside, Rukia almost fell over and smacked her head on the window.

Suddenly, Rangiku's eyes widened. "Oh my... Captain, don't even tell me you're drinking sake!"

"Aaand, what if I am?"

Rangiku was shocked. She stood up and faced him. "Toshiro! You can _not_ have sake!"

"Why not?"

"You're too young to be drinking!"

"No I'm not!"

He had her there.

Rangiku groaned, but went on. "Sir, as your lieutenant, I'm only trying to think of what's best for you."

"Well, as not only your superior, but also as _myself_, I think _I_ can decide what's best for me, thank you."

By now, steam was practically coming out of Rangiku's ears. And all she could think to do was that which her captain had done so many times before.

"HITSUGAYAAAA!"

Rukia stuck a finger in her ear and spoke into her walkie-talkie. "Squad 10, check."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Shuuhei walked over to his captain, he tripped. He stood back up, drink in his hand, and walked on until he reached Tosen and gave him his soda.

Yeah. I didn't know they had sodas in Soul Society either... Okay, I still don't, just go with it for now.

"Here you go, Captain," said Shuuhei.

As Tosen thanked his lieutenant, Chad commented, "Squad 9 seems unaffected."

Then Tosen opened the can.

SPLASH!

He dropped his exploding can and yelped, clutching at his face.

"Captain, I'm so sorry!" exclaimed Shuuhei. "I-It must have happened when I tripped, it was a total accident, I swear!"

Meanwhile, Tosen covered his eyes as if soda had somehow gotten in them. "I can't see!" he shouted repeatedly, until Shuuhei gave him some words of reassurance.

"Sir. Sir!.. You never _could_ see."

Tosen quickly calmed down. "...Oh, that's right," he stated simply.

Chad sweatdropped. "Nevermind." Why did he always get stuck with the whack-jobs?

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright, any clues?" asked Ichigo.

Orihime flipped through a notepad she had somehow acquired and looked through her notes. "Well," she began, "Squad 2 is a definite yes."

"How do ya figure?"

"I saw the lieutenant chasing after a black cat."

"Oh-kay," Ichigo quickly responded, "that's about all the information we need to draw a conclusion. Anything else?"

Uryu spoke up, "I hadn't noticed any change in Squad 4."

"You'll have to wait until they're asleep."

The group looked around to find the source of the somewhat-familiar voice.

"Lieutenant Kotetsu is known for having very strange nightmares," the voice went on.

"Ohh," Ichigo replied. "...Wait, who said that?"

"It was me."

The five turned around, and screamed in terror, for they had seen an effect of this strange plague that was so horrifying, so shocking, so chilling, it was almost impossible to comprehend.

Lieutenant Izuru Kira.

Ichigo caught Rukia as she fainted. Now she'd seen it all.

He turned back to the freakish-smiled blond and stuttered out, "Izuru, what a pleasant... what an exciting... What a surprise!"

Izuru looked at Rukia. "Is she okay?"

"Oh... yeah, she's fine!" Ichigo went on. "She's just, uh... tired." He mentally smacked his forhead for his stupid response.

"Well..." Izuru continued, "anything I can help you with?"

The group quickly turned down his offer. "No, no thanks, th-that won't be necessary," said Uryu.

"We're fine," Orihime smiled. "No need to worry about us."

The lieutenant gave a small sigh. "Alright then." As he started to walk away, he called out, "I'll be here if you need me. Bye-bye!"

After seeing him off and making sure he was out of sight, the remaining four shuddered.

"Like it's not creepy enough on that damn captain," Ichigo commented.

"That settles it," Uryu stated seriously. "We need to find whatever's causing this before it's too late."

"What if it _is _too late?" asked Orihime.

Uryu opened his mouth to answer, but found nothing came out. His face went blank. "I don't know."

Ichigo smacked his forehead. For real this time. Then he looked at Rukia and started shaking her in his arms. "Hey, Rukia! C'mon, wake up! He's gone! Rukia!" Nothing. Ichigo huffed.

Suddenly, Orihime popped up beside them. "Y'know," she commented, "there is one way that you can definitely get her awake."

With a sudden interest, Ichigo rose an eyebrow. "What?" Orihime leaned over and whispered her answer in his ear. He jumped back a little once she'd told him. "Are you sure that's the only way?"

Orihime shrugged. "No, but it is the most effective."

Ichigo's previously risen eyebrow now twitched. "Fine," he sighed. "Can you just make sure Uryu doesn't look? 'Cause if he does, he's never gonna let me hear the end of it."

"I'm on it!" Orihime saluted before going off to distract said Quincy. "So, Uryu, do you like spoons?..."

With any possible distraction gone, Ichigo took a deep breath. Then he closed his eyes and nervously leaned in towards Rukia.

Unfortunately, just when their faces were inches apart, Rukia opened her eyes, and, still in shock from seeing Izuru, jumped forward, crashing her head into Ichigo's. The two fell over backwards and lay on the ground, catching the attention of the others.

As Ichigo rubbed his head, Orihime rushed to his side. "Ichigo, are you okay?"

"Yeah," he replied with a slight smile, "I think so. Thanks, Orihime."

A question mark blinked beside Orihime's head. _That_ was unlike him.

Uryu kneeled next to Rukia as she groaned in pain. "You alright, Rukia?" he asked.

Rukia sneered at him. "Yeah. What's it to ya?"

Hmm?

"Uh... are you sure you're feeling okay?" he asked again.

"I'm fine!" Rukia stood up. "Jeez." She walked over to Ichigo and bent down so they were on the same level. Then she shouted in his face, "Ichigo, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

Ichigo was taken aback. "'Scuse me?"

"Do you have a death wish or something, trying to move in on me like that?!"

"I was not making a move on you!"

"I said moving IN, there's a difference, y'know!"

"No there isn't!"

As their argument continued, Orihime and Uryu backed away and stood by Chad, who commented, "Something's wrong."

Uryu fixed his glasses, flustered. "Ya think?"

A lightbulb appeared where Orihime's question mark had once been. "I got it!" she smiled. Then she ran back to Ichigo and Rukia, who were still shouting... and banged their heads together. The two fell over once again, then sat up and stared at each other.

Ichigo pointed to himself. "Was I acting like...?"

"Did I just...?" asked Rukia, also pointing to Ichigo.

"It was hardly noticeable with all the yelling," Uryu replied, "but yes."

Ichigo and Rukia continued to stare. "...Whoa," they said together.

"So Orihime," said Chad (just 'cause he doesn't say enough in this fic), "do you think...?"

Orihime nodded. "I'm thinking if we just knock everyone's heads together, things will all turn back to normal around here."

"Well, as normal as this place can get," commented Uryu. The others agreed with this.

About two seconds later, Ichigo's sudden delayed reaction (probably from all those blows to the head) kicked in. "Wait a minute. Orihime, are you sure that'll work?"

"It's worth a shot."

Rukia sighed. "I guess. But we'll have to do it to someone where we'll definitely notice a difference."

As if on cue, someone popped up behind Ichigo.

"Miss me?"

Ichigo's eyes darted back and forth at the unusually upbeat voice.

"Behind you, idiot," continued the person.

Ichigo turned around to see the person and jumped about two inches off the ground. Standing there behind him was Byakuya. "What do you want?" he asked.

Byakuya smirked. No, that wasn't a typo. _Byakuya. Smirked._

I scare myself sometimes.

Anyway, Byakuya... y'know, did that thing he never does. "What?" he went on. "Is it so weird for me to just say hi?"

Ichigo rose an eyebrow again. "_Yeah_." He said the word slowly for emphasis. Then he stood, looked around, and asked, "So, uh... where's Renji?"

"I dunno," Byakuya shrugged. "He's been a real stick-in-the-mud lately. I don't know where the hell he gets it."

"Yeah, couldn't imagine," Ichigo muttered.

Byakuya rose an eyebrow. "Hm?"

The orange-haired shinigami smiled nervously. "Uh, nice weather, isn't it? Heh... You sure you don't know where he is?"

"Pretty sure."

"Someone looking for me?" asked an all-too familiar voice. The group turned to see Renji walking up to them, as Byakuyish as ever.

"That was convenient," Ichigo thought aloud.

Rukia smiled at her old friend. "Renji, there you are! We've been looking for you! Uh, you remember my brother, right?"

The others sweatdropped. She sure knew how to overdo it, that Rukia.

Renji stared at her for a moment before replying flatly, "I think I would recognize my own captain, you fool."

Resisting the urge to punch him, Rukia went on with her fake little smile. "Riiight... Why don't you go talk to him?" With that she started pushing him toward Byakuya.

"...Apparently, I have no choice."

"Exactly!"

A moment later, Renji was standing in front of his higher-up. And the awkward silence ensued.

Byakuya cleared his throat after a few seconds. "So, uh... what's up?"

Renji continued to stare. "...You've been acting very odd lately, Captain."

"Look who's talkin'."

Suddenly, Rukia shouted, "Orihime, now!"

Byakuya and Renji gave her a weird look before their heads clunked together --like coconuts!-- and they proceeded to collapse to the ground.

Ichigo stared wide-eyed at them. "That sounded like it hurt."

Uryu sweatdropped. "Try listening to it three times within ten minutes," he replied.

"Hm... Okay, I vote we get outta here, all in favor?"

"See ya," said Rukia.

"I'm out," Uryu went on. Chad nodded.

With that, the gang quietly walked away from the scene of the "crime."

If only they'd walked a little faster.

"What the hell'd ya do that for?!" called a voice from behind.

Everyone froze. _PLEASE be Renji, _Ichigo silently prayed. He turned back, only to see Byakuya staring at them expectantly.

_Crap._

He stuttered for a moment before saying softly, "Uh... Orihime, you take this one, you're good at makin' stuff up."

Orihime didn't think to question him. She just went with it... Whatever "it" was. "Oh, well, y'see," she began to Byakuya and Renji (who had by then come to), "there, uh... there was a bug on Renji's head, and... I was trying to kill it."

Again, Byakuya rose an eyebrow. "With my head?"

"...Actually, um, I was trying to hit it with the thingy in your hair. Guess I missed." She shrugged sheepishly (there's a tongue twister for ya).

. . . Tumbleweed.

"Okay, we're gonna go," Ichigo said quickly. "Bye!" And with that, everyone was pushed away as fast as Ichigo could move.

Byakuya and Renji were left to stare after the group in silence. ". . . That was really weird," Byakuya finally said. Renji nodded in agreement.

Orihime sighed. "So much for that plan."

"Yeah..." Rukia agreed, her hopes slightly dashed. Then she remembered something. "By the way... Ichigo."

The teenager in question looked at her. "Yeah?"

"Why exactly were you so close to me when I woke up?"

It took a moment for what she'd just said to register in Ichigo's mind. Then he froze stiff, his eyes huge and his face pale.

Rukia quirked an eyebrow. "...Well?"

As his face slowly regained its color, Ichigo replied nervously, "Oh, uh... n-nothing, see, there was this bug, it was HUGE, a--"

"Whatever," Rukia sighed, walking a little bit ahead of him.

"Okay, see ya, Rukia, go ahead, you- you just- j-just keep walkin', go on, heh..." As he trailed off awkwardly, he whispered gruffly to Orihime, "You owe me big time." She nodded in understanding.

At that point, the group silently vowed never to take Orihime's advice again.

-----------------

Yes. Byakuyish.

and as for the "like coconuts" thing, it's kind of a family joke. neptune would get it. I don't know about the rest of you guys, though.

well, 'til next chapter! r&r!


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